


Light Lost

by elektramora



Category: Runaways (Comics), Runaways (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Grief/Mourning, Post-Canon, disregard the 4th alien host
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-11-09 03:52:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17994323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elektramora/pseuds/elektramora
Summary: It had been exactly 2 months since Karolina Dean died.





	Light Lost

It had been exactly 2 months since Karolina Dean died. 

At first Nico cried. She sobbed with her friends. She bawled on Gert’s shoulder. Then she wept alone. Nico cried so much that she truly believed she wouldn’t have any remaining tears. Leslie Dean and Xavin eventually left. Nico couldn’t blame them, they had no reason to stay. Time was supposed to heal even the mightiest wounds, but for Nico, her pain only grew stronger. She eventually became quiet. The tears still came, but her sobs were silent. Her friends watched her slowly turn into a fraction of the girl she was before. They were still hurting of course, but they knew Nico’s pain was worse. She would sit on the couch on the ground floor of the hostel, staring into nothing. She only entered her and Karolina’s room once since it happened. She stood there, looking, smelling, feeling, and hurting. After that, she stayed in another room. 

One time Molly went into the bedroom that once belonged to Nico and Karolina, to search for her pink hair clip. She thought Nico wouldn’t have a problem with it, she was only gonna take a quick look around. After checking under the bed, Molly stood up to see Nico in the doorway. Her eyes were full of tears, and her expression was angry. Gert, Chase, and Alex darted to the room. They heard yelling. They approached Nico, who was sobbing and screaming at the same time- indecipherable words, and Molly standing opposite of her. Molly looked terrified, and apologetic. She kept saying sorry over and over, and Nico kept yelling about no one being allowed in the room. She searched for anything misplaced with her eyes, too scared to enter and contaminate the space herself. Gert tried to comfort Nico, to tell her that everything was okay, but that only escalated her anger. She now turned to the others, and yelled at them. In the midst of her screaming, she reached out for her staff. She hadn’t used it since the night she lost Karolina. Her vision blurred with tears, she readied herself to cast a sealing charm over the room. Her heart stopped. Molly looked terrified. Of her. Her breath caught in her throat. She was becoming her mother. Nico looked at her friends. They were all staring at her, mouths agape. Like they didn’t even recognize her. Nico hitched the staff on her back. She looked towards Molly, then the others. “I-I’m sorry”. Pushing past them, she went to weep alone. 

After that, no one entered that bedroom. Alex bought Nico new clothes, as she refused to retrieve her old ones. Chase would give her inspirational speeches which she would listen to for a bit, before shutting him out. Gert would try and help Nico, to counsel her through her pain, but she never would respond. Molly sat next to Nico and told her about her day. This helped her the most, as it distracted her from reality. It was comforting for Nico to know that Molly’s life was still moving forward. Even if her’s wasn’t. 

The day of the funeral was sunny. Unnaturally beautiful. She was angry at the weather, how could it be so nice on such a terrible day? In the movies it would rain or snow, something that fit the tone much more than the sun. Leslie Dean and Xavin returned to the hostel to attend, somber expressions plastered on their faces. They didn’t have an actual body to bury, so they gathered small tokens of Karolina. Gert suggested that Nico could do one of her ceremonies, but she shook her head no. Nico stayed in her room, looking out the window. The others stood in her doorway, all dressed in black, waiting. But Nico wouldn’t come. She wouldn’t move, or speak. Gert begged her, told her it was a way to let go. Yet Nico didn’t want to let go. To ease the pain of what happened. So she stood looking out the window, watching them gather in a small circle below. They placed their items on a mound, cried into each other’s shoulders, and talked. They hoped that Nico would eventually show up. She didn’t. 

Nico couldn’t sleep anymore. She stayed up, in a hazy state, staring at her walls. Sometimes she would look at Karolina’s bracelet. Only in the dead of night, would she let herself see the silver and feel the cold metal against her skin. After that, she would open her window and stare at the stars. She could have sworn that she could see Karolina in them. Then Nico would go and sit on her bed and sob for hours. She doesn’t remember when she falls asleep. She doesn’t remember if she does. Nico repeats the same routine every night. She would try to sleep as long as she could, because in her dreams, there was Karolina. But alas, every morning she would awake. Sometimes, as she left the hazy state of her unconsciousness, she would feel warmth hugging her. She would turn to touch Karolina, to feel her light. But then Nico would realize that it was just the sunlight, streaming in through the window. So she would leap out of the bed, and tightly pull the curtains closed. Nico wouldn’t allow herself to feel warmth. Not after what happened the night they tried rescuing Chase and Karolina. 

That night, they had a plan. They had recently rescued Old Lace and Gert from her father. They knew Chase and Karolina has been abducted, and they knew how to get them out. Xavin told them about the “magistrate”, as they called him, and how he was now possessing Victor Stein. It was a rainy evening, but the group was fearless. They snuck onto the compound, busted through security, and found the cryogenic pods. Alex worked his tech magic, and awoke both runaways from their slumber. As Chase and Karolina stumbled out of the pods, both Gert and Nico supported their weak limbs. Gert and Chase looked at each other wearily, unsure of what to do. But Chase leaned down, and pecked Gert on the forehead. She smiled and tapped her lips, and then they were folded into a kiss. Karolina gave Nico a weak smile, and softly whispered in her ear, “I told you that there was no leaving each other”. Nico smiled as she was wrapped into a warm embrace. Alex brought over black robes for Karolina and Chase. Molly was with Xavin, keeping guard, and quickly shouted that they needed to leave, someone was coming. They all began to usher out the door, before they were cut off. Nico prepared for a fight, weary to use her staff. Ever since her confrontation with her parents at PRIDE headquarters, she’d been terrified of her power. The runaways stood in defense positions as they watched their enemies round the corner. Victor Stein. Stacey Yorkes. Nico’s breathe got caught in her throat. Mom? Something was off about each parent, they were familiar looking, but somehow different. Xavin immediately jumped into the fight. Nico directed Gert and Alex to clear a route for the group. She didn’t want to fight with a quarter of the team down. Gert and Molly looked troubled by the sight of Stacey, violent and angry, but they kept on. Chase and Karolina were hanging by Nico’s side, still weak. Karolina started lighting up, but could barely get her hands to glow. Nico turned to her, giving her a stern look. “Baby, you’re too weak. Don’t fight”. Karolina wearily nodded, giving Nico’s hand a squeeze. Xavin was holding all three parents off by themselves, and the others were retreating to the exit. The parents were closing in, but it didn’t matter, almost everyone was out. Nico motioned for Xavin to get out, to lead the group back to the car. She waited for everyone to leave, ushering them out the door, when she felt the pull of her staff from her hand. She looked up, and saw it soaring towards her mother across the room. She swore under her breath, the bond with the staff must have weakened with it’s lack of use. Victor - or the Magistrate, made his way closer, sensing weakness. Karolina, who had been attached to Nico’s side, jumped in front of her, and shot her light towards him. It wasn’t strong enough to incapacitate him, but it pushed him back a few feet. Karolina moved in further, but Nico could tell Victor was full of rage. He was gonna retaliate hard. He would kill her. As Nico saw him raise his hands, she summoned the staff with all her power. She felt the familiar pull of it coming towards her, but she wasn’t focused enough to guide it. Her eyes were solely focused on Karolina. Which was ironic, as she watched her staff burst straight through Karolina’s chest. She remembered the blood the most, it splattered everywhere, and the cold feeling of the bloody staff in her hand. As Karolina’s body fell, she twisted into an unnatural state. Right as Karolina hit the floor, she locked eyes with Nico. She watched as the light left them. Nico couldn't breathe, her knees buckled in, her eyes trained on Karolina. The attackers paused, shocked by the scene before them, but they started up again. Nico heard the others yelling at her to keep going, but her body wouldn’t move. Her jaw was clenched, and tears streamed down her cheeks. She heard a ringing in her ears, drowning out all other noise. Two sets of hands wrapped around her- Alex and Gert we’re pulling her up. She thrashed against them, even with Victor and the rest nearing her. Her sobs were loud now, she was trying to reach Karolina, to at least grab her hand. Her hearing was coming back, she listened as Gert called Molly over for help. A burning shot of light hit her arm from Victor, but she still tried to crawl over to the body. All she managed to do was pull Karolina’s bracelet off before she was pulled back. Nico was in a fugue state, being lifted off of the floor, out of the building, into the car. Rain drenched her face, making Karolina’s blood run into her eyes. They were still being shot at, but she didn’t care. Her burnt arm was numb. As Gert started the car and sped away, Nico only had one thought racing through her mind. I killed Karolina. 

The team still went on the rare mission, but Nico wouldn’t accompany them. She was no use anyways, too afraid to use the staff, and no one was going to force her to. She kept it on her at all times, not allowing herself to forget what she did to Karolina. Sometimes, when everyone was off on missions, Nico would wander the halls of the hostel. She’d walk into the doorways of different rooms- some she didn’t even recognize. She would stop by Gert and Chase’s room, look at their clothes and items intermingled- clear traces of a relationship. Nico almost forgot they were dating, she knew they tried to hide it when they were around her. It hurt to see them together, all she could think of was Karolina. She wanted to be happy for them, she really did, but all she felt was jealousy. Karolina and Nico would be feeling that same love, if things worked out. Of course, it wasn’t easy for Gert and Chase at first. After they rescued him, Chase grieved for Karolina with the group, but he hadn’t earned their trust back. Gert would barely see him until he apologized to Molly. Then, after many late night discussions with Gert, he moved from the couch, back to their room. Still, he worked to earn her trust back. They fell back into place, perfectly in love after that. Their love and connection was obvious to everyone around them. Gert picked up on the clear uncomfort that Nico displayed around them, and they stopped being affectionate around her. Someone must have clued Alex and Livvie in too, as they did the same. Despite their intentions, it simply further alienated Nico. Her friends treated her as if she was a fragile skeleton, ready to break at a moments notice. Maybe they were right. 

Nico wandered past the rooms, and out of the hostel. She avoided all mirrors and reflections of herself, she would rather feel like a ghost. Emotionless, she walked outside. It was a cloudy day. Wind whipped at her hair and clothes. She didn’t know where she was going. Nico starting walking up the hill that leads to the top of the hostel. A soft rain came pattering down, gently brushing her cheeks. She didn’t care. As Nico continued her trek up the hill, the rain loosened the ground, turning it into mud. Nico lost her footing and fell to the floor. She had bloody scratches on her cheek and on her arms. But she didn’t care. She got up, and continued. The rain was growing stronger now, and the wind pushed back against her as she climbed. Yet again, Nico didn’t care. With resistance she reached the top of the hill. Dirty, drenched, and bloody, she stood motionless. She didn’t remember the view being this ugly. Nico looked up at the sky. The sun was gone. There was only darkness now. She felt like crying, but did not. The world was crying for her. She wanted to touch the earth, to comfort it. I lost my light too. But Nico stood. She wanted to get rid of this pain, to leave the heartbreak. She looked down at the grass she had stomped on. What would you do to get over the pain? Nico looked around dumfoundly. She expected an answer from nature. But this was no natural thing. She lost the love of her life. By her own hand. Nico felt the staff weighing on her back. She reached behind her, and pulled it out of it’s harness. The cold metal was slippery, so Nico held it with both hands. She looked at it, the delicate pattern, a machine she once thought beautiful. Now, a murder weapon. She remembered the night they got back from that mission. As soon as she got home she washed the staff over and over again, burning her hands with the hot water, until Gert had to force her to stop. Even in the pouring rain, Nico still felt the dirtiness on it. She wanted to turn away, to feel something better, but Nico plummeted further into darkness. She stared at the staff before her, felt it prick her thumb and come alive, staring right back at her. She saw the reflections of Karolina inside of it, Karolina’s life and death. You killed me Nico. You did. Wind and rain beat at Nico’s face, yet she stayed in the same position. The staff screamed at Nico, reminded her of every terrible thing that lead to the death of her light. It told her of her selfish decisions, her darkness inside. She wanted the pain the end, to stop the hurting. The staff roared louder and the wind beat harder. A ghost of a whisper formed on her lips, Nico stood at the edge of decision. She could barely get the word out, her voice weak and unsteady. But it was loud enough. 

“Forget.”

**Author's Note:**

> I know this was super angsty and um sorry,, I had a lot of angst pent up and I needed to put it somewhere. I hope it wasn't too bad,,, I havent really done too many fics so uhhhh yea I hope it was enjoyable. I just saw a lot of theories that Karolina could be mind wiped so I wondered what would happen if it was Nico instead. Let me know if you guys want a part two to this because I actually have an idea!! Thanks for reading!! yell at me on twitter @elektramora


End file.
